It is very difficult to internalize a concept when all your life experience tells you it doesn't work that way. "Work for what you want", "get what you deserve", "you make your bed, you lie in it", "you can do whatever you want if you are willing to work for it", "you reap what you sew", are what we live by, how we motivate and were motivated to achieve.
Understanding the vast reaches of God's grace is something my fingertips are brushing but I haven't yet been able to grasp and secure a good hold. That is not to say I have not received God's grace. It is to say that I believe God's grace expands beyond human knowledge and understanding, even as it applies to just me.
For most of my years I have struggled with comparing others to myself. So, I view my sins relative to other's sins, knowing we all are a chasm from God's holiness. So wrong, so, so, so wrong! And now I am trying to visualize how inaccurate that view is.
I'm asking God to gently show me how undeserving I am and yet, His grace is sufficient to cover my inadequacies. I'm reading Phillip Yancey's, "What's So Amazing About Grace". It's a slow read for me because it is so meaty.
I really think I'm beginning to see it and will continue to study. I want to appreciate all that has been given to me.
