Thankful for the splinter? Yes. Thankful for all.

"Where am I?" could have been a game we played on the Internet these recent months. I've been traveling more than I've been home. None was really selfish but I enjoyed most of it.

Leading a team to Swaziland was challenging. My outreach pastor asked me in November if I would take a team to my beloved El Shaddai in June. It was a much larger time commitment that I anticipated but I soon felt that God had an eye-opening blessing of refinement for those on the trip. To say we were a motley crew for a mission trip would be an understatement. We brought a lot of physical, mental and emotional baggage before we began packing.

I am grateful for the supplies that were donated and the work that was done. We treated 360 children's teeth with fluoride, provided light to the baby house, and got the tractor working in time for planting. I am also grateful for the hearts that opened up and loved the children at El Shaddai.

I am thankful for the work God began in my heart, learning to deal with wounds and offense. It was like having a splinter removed; you know it's there because it bothers you but removing it very painful and you have to consciously keep it from getting reinfected. I am still in the healing stage.

Leading the team was so different than my other trips when I focused on the children and was their "Auntie Jan". In August I returned to El Shaddai to stay in the mission house while the director was away and care for the children. I loved that time. Each day was an adventure, literally! We walked, we talked, we cooked, we played, and we prayed. I love those children.

A few days after I returned, Lindsay and I flew to Maui to see Jonathan, our youngest. My mother's heart was comforted and warmed to meet the people that have adopted and love him, the people from his church that have poured God's love into him and nurtured him spiritually. The sparkling ocean with its colorful array of fish, volcanic cliffs, towering bamboo trees and fragrant blossoms are so beautiful but the hearts of the people in his church lovelier still.

Without going home, I caught a flight to Oklahoma to join my mother and Charles, my step father on a road trip to our home in Yakima. We stayed long enough for me to do laundry and spend a few days with Kevin,Julia, our oldest, and 3 year old, Kennedy, my only grandchild.

We covered almost 5,000 miles and were awed by the splendor and magnitude of God's work in the Painted Desert, Petrified Forest, Grand Canyon, and coastline of California and Oregon. I am overwhelmed that the Creator of such vast, powerful, and resplendent beauty listens when I talk to Him, cares about my joy and my sorrow.

I leave again tomorrow for Atlanta to drive with Courtney to Little Rock where we'll spend the night with Kimberly and the three of us will join the rest of the family for Thanksgiving, and I am thankful for so much.

Thank you, Lord. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Nothing witty or profound, just realization that my heavenly Father is spectacular beyond the ability of my senses, wise beyond my understanding, infinite beyond my comprehension, loving without hesitation, and caring about my daily concerns.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Night Visitors

I'm as friendly as most and probably more than many but some creatures are not welcome. Last week in my abode in Swaziland, I was visited by a black snake, giant millipede, monstrous locust thing, several wasps on steroids, and a whole convention of gnats, flies, and moths. Not willingly, mind you, I was inhospitable to the point of whacking with a whip and chasing with a candle flame. I never did see the mice that bulked up on my oat bran and that's just as well. I squashed numerous spiders in my shower and brushed a couple of beetles out of my bed. It's good to be home.

How Great is Our God

How can I keep that concept centered in my mind? I am ashamed of how easily I lose sight of how God is beyond the limits of any description I can attribute to him. But shame is not his way with me so I gratefully acknowledge his amazing love and grace, which is also beyond my comprehension.

Thank you, Lord

Thank you Lord for such a wonderful day. I was so blessed today. I ask for your blessings and guidence for those you have placed in my life. In Jesus' name, amen.

Retreat takes a lot of work.

This weekend we have a company "retreat". I should be excited to have a free weekend in a very nice hotel with all the activities planned and paid for but I'm not. I'm ashamed to say I worry about whether I will have stylish attire for the various activities. Not worried enough to run out and buy new clothes for the event, just worried enough to not want to go. It's shallow to care what others will think of my sense of style but it's like an advertisement of how savvy I am.
I need to focus on the persons I am with and care more about them than what they may think of me. I need to love the people around me and in order to climb out of the circle of me, I need to connect with the One that loves them more than life itself.

Where is the Line?

Where do you draw the line? Should there even be a line or is holiness an open shaft upward we are to strive for? There are so many factors to consider; how will my actions affect others and how do I please God?

Does the hermit please God if he withdraws from others to continually read and pray? Does the church-lady please God if she is so involved with committees and programs that her family learns to live without her or the family devotee that saves all free time for home and family?

Knowing how to spend one's time and energy righteously is difficult. Does the word "righteously" put the question in a different light? Does that word open the door to feelings of guilt because, short of praying, there's always something more we could be doing. Or, is our circumstance part of God's design and how we spend our time largely dependent on our circumstance? Do we each have an individual plan, with individualized goals, and personal obstacles known only to God?

I don't know, and because of grace, amazing grace, I don't need to know where to draw the line. There is nothing I can do to make Him love me more, and nothing I can do to make Him love me less. God is not an accountant balancing my debits against my credits. My name is written in in the Book and PAID IN FULL is written beside it.